smells like teen spirit
<<2002-01-30 - 9:49 p.m.>>

hmm... lots of odd things happened today. i can't even remember what happened during school, but i know it was fun, and jake is really awesome and i wish he was my bestest friend ever. he's hilarious. so anyway, after school i came home and then at about seven i had to go to this play-thing put on by a drama class. lani was in it, icky poo poo. but after the show, i drove home with her, and she was pretty cool. we complained alot about school, yay! dan wasn't there, which was a disappointment, but brie, emily, carolyn (and her cutie boyfriend) and molly were all there. that was cool. and ernesto had the part of a dog in one of the plays, and he wore a little doggy tail and ears. and then pillowfoot (eric) played a russian dog, which was hilarious, and kelsey had to get all emotional, which was scary. and it was just really cool. it was pretty cool - better than sitting at home on my booty.

so anyway, right before i left, one of my exes tried to get back with me. o_o lol. i reiterate: it's always the right people who don't care enough, and the wrong people who won't leave you alone. but anyway... he refuses to take a hint, which is a pain in the boot. we broke up a long time ago, and i told him expressly that i did NOT want a relationship, and he asks me again today... god... i really just wish he would blink out of existence. it would totally make my life alot much more pleasant. it's so weird - all these people seem to fall in love with me completely and i can't quite put my mind around it. the ONE guy who i really would have been happy with, i guess... he was just so unhappy. i loved him so much, though. but he's gone now... don't know where... never told me. sigh. i thought about him the other day, and it made me sad, which was strange. and schu... argh... i don't even wanna get started on her. she's got so many problems i don't even think i can begin to talk about it. and nami... i love her alot... well, see, here's the weird thing: i told my ex off by saying that i wasn't ready for a serious relationship, which was half true. first of all, i can't STAND him, he's just all seriousness all the time, even his fun side is serious. it's so annoying. everything about him is so annoying. he's just so COMPLETELY melodramatic about EVERYTHING. it drives me up the wall. so i dislike him. nami, however, is practically perfect - adorable, funny as hell, sweet, kind, loving, smart, personable... but she lives waaaay far away. (plus, her new super-annoying response to EVERYTHING i say is "o.o", which just drives me crazy and makes me feel like the biggest idiot. o.o is possibly the worst thing to say to someone, especially if you say it constantly. it makes you feel as if everything you're saying has absolutely no importance. o_O) if i ever chose someone, i'd -- gah, oh god...

Zerin Clave: Would you have me in mind if you thought about it? O_o;
AyaChanFujimiya: I think so..
AyaChanFujimiya: No offense... but if I thought about seriousness, I'd want someone I could be with for real, though..
Zerin Clave: Yeah.
Zerin Clave: Well actually >_>;
Zerin Clave: *would consider going to Uni in Boston if you changed your mind* O_o;
AyaChanFujimiya: *blinks*

okay, um... crazy. he's just so desperate for relationships all the time - i don't know. he makes me really angry. he backs me into corners, too, where i have to BS him instead of telling him the truth, because i'm so afraid of setting him off and offending him. and then i promise him all these little things that i'm really not interested in carrying out, and it ends up with him being set off and offended anyway, and me just being angry at everything.

thus, i do not want a relationship from him, or nami, or anyone. i want FRIENDSHIP.

is that so FREAKING hard? god. everything always subtly sort of turns sour for me, in the end.