currently bitching. one moment please.
<<2002-03-24 - 1:20 am>>

say hello to maxwell, my kitty! he's skulking around and just walked under my chin and over the keyboard. ka;oljjj j ggg <-- maxwell's typing skillz yo!

ahh, let's see. oh, well, i had a fight with my stepmother yesterday that turned physical. i dunno, i got a little scared because she's like six feet tall (i swear she's a man) and she was super pissed.. but it felt good too because now at least i know she hates me as much as i hate her. i've always considered her my dad's 'trophy wife' and she and i have never, ever gotten along and in my eyes she's always been a coldhearted bitch who makes like my father's keeper and dresses like a whore because she can't accept the fact that she doesn't have a line of men waiting to bed her. i gave up trying to be nice a long time ago. but the evil demonspawn woman nicked the back of my head on a picture frame, so now i have this big ugly cut on the nape of my neck. and she wears lots of rings, too, so i have these funky little tiny circular cuts on my cheek. the thing that pissed me off the most was that when she pushed me and slapped me, my dad didn't do anything. blech. parents.

so anyway... i have a new chapter to my coldplay story, but the computer it's on is messed up, and all the disks are corrupt or something. grrr. so i'm wrassling with that right now. i think i'm gonna not do anything with my jj72 story for right now, cos it always takes me forever to write sex scenes. and though i have it all completely planned out in my head (yes... i AM that dirty) and it seems really great and romantic and like it would make a great story, i always go chickenshit when it comes to doing the details and it never turns out the way i want it. read my strokes slash piece, i fucking hate that story. i hate the way it turned out. argh! i'm so critical of myself. i sound like those whiny stupid people who never stop bitching about how much they suck just because they're fishing for compliments. though i am vain, i don't think i'm like that. i do love hearing how much people liked something i did - but i always hear the same words from the same people. usually "oh, that was so great, i'm so proud" from... my mother. so it's nice to get a little variation. (roberta leaves the best reviews!) so yeah. i dunno. i had a lot to say tonight... i'm leaving my dad's house tomorrow, thank god, and returning to the dank lair that is my mother's house. that won't be so bad. see, my dad gets pissed off because i treat him really disrespectfully, but the thing is... well, he gets angry because when we get into arguments or discussions about... well... ME, i treat him like i treat my mom (i.e. like shit). but i'm thinking two things: first is that i never see my father, i live with my mother for 98% of the year, so i really don't have any other way to talk to him when he broaches uncomfortable subjects. and the thing is that when i treat my mom badly in arguments, she gets the message and leaves me alone quickly. so that's why i continue to use the "fuck you" attitude to anyone who tries to invade my territory or basically try to talk to me about stuff that i'd rather not talk about. so i'm just thinking that if he learned to fuck off right quick, we'd all be a little bit happier. i don't know.. my father tells me that my mother is like completely nuts and to some degree i think he's right, but he's pretty nuts too. and he drinks alot which worsens things. personally i'm much happier living with my mother the psycho than with him. whatever he is.