rants... weeee
<<2002-03-27 - 12:45 pm>>

anyway. a couple new fics. no updates to old ones yet, but i have a vast fanfic that i'm not proud of, but i'm fond of it and i think it's kind of amusing. and i also have a jeff buckley fic called organic angel that i'm not really sure what to do with.

when i was alot younger, like ten or eleven, i would write only when inspiration struck. and i never ever wrote a story that was past maybe a page long. my attention span just didnt last that long. but now i have my 14 chapter coldplay story and to me it seems just absolutely massive. fourteen chapters? okay, sure, micky has fifty chapter stories. but at least to me, 14 chapters seems an insane amount. i want to drag it out as long as i possibly can. not only because i want it to be really long (almost like... a rite of passage or something?) but because i can't imagine ending it, really. i'm just so terribly in love with that story. but then i look at these other stories that say so much in just ONE chapter and i get all confused again. and i remember as old as i feel, as old as i think i am, i'm not. i'm young. and i've got a ways to go. so i should learn to deal with my disappointment.

ahhh. i don't know. my writing confuses me. i think if i could really have one thing, i'd like to be able to write like ashke. sometimes i'll be reading a poem of his or glancing at a story and my throat will get tight with jealousy... but not only jealousy, more like... i don't know. idolization? is that a word? i can't really tell. i just look upon him as not really a role but as someone who has this incredible gift that really makes me happy and jealous at the same time.

i feel odd today.... too introspective. die!

ooo.. lunch.