this is my farewell psychobabble
<<2002-05-02 - 3:27 pm>>

my brother's in a bad mood right now, which sucks. he's been really angry and destructive more recently. this is nothing new- he's been prone to blind rages where he completely demolishes anything breakable within his reach for nearly his whole life now. but he had been doing fine for about a year. now everything is screwed up. he's breaking doors, windows, punching holes in walls, and he just broke his guitar in two. that kind of depressed me because he's had that guitar for years and years now. when he's in a better mood he'll probably realize what he did and feel sad. but that won't stop him from breaking everything when he gets mad again. all my dogs are huddling in the corner of my room, panting like crazy.

he dumped the remains of his guitar outside his door. i was standing in the middle of the hall, and my mother freaked out because of the crashing and came upstairs. i just looked at her and said, "this has got to stop." because i'm leaving soon. but if i hadn't been leaving, i assure you, once danny had recovered, she and i would be the ones carting the splintered guitar carcass out to the trash. we'd be the ones picking up broken glass and throwing away chunks of shattered door. we'd be the ones cleaning up HIS mess that HE makes every time he gets the least bit unhappy with ANYTHING. it's always been like that.

and my mother wonders why i want to board next year.

but i don't plan on just boarding next year. by getting away from my family for that year, i'll be distancing myself enough from them that will let me board the last two years of high school. after that, i'm gonna travel. then i'm going to college far away - screw out of state, i'm talking out of country - and after that i'm moving far, far away, and marrying the first person my mother disapproves of most.

anyway. while i'm gonna you guys gotta leave me lots and lots of notes, okay?! especially you roberta, what with you doing your whole disappearing act and all (*muffled sobs*) and YOU claudia cos you never update anyway! and you too nat - you told me you had a band you wanted to tell me about! so TELL ME! in fact, everyone tell me. everyone leave me notes and tell me their top five favorite songs of the week. or whatever. just tell me stuff. so i can have lots of note love when i come back. there's nothing that makes me happier!

see you guys in 96 hours (give or take a few)! BYE!