arfff... david
<<2002-07-24 - 9:47 pm>>

much fun was had with david last night. i ate a really good sandwich and we walked around and held hands lots, and yeah. it was really, really nice. i know david reads this, so i'm gonna say i lurrve you. you's mah budday, yo. i am gladder than anything we could spend a day together, and i'm sorry you felt sick afterwards. i guess you just couldn't handle my badnassness. it happens alot. (smiley face) you're soft and cuddly. and you need to move into my basement. right. now.

anyway... yeah... everything has seemed kind of muted since david came by. yeah. i don't really know where to go with that except i really wish i was with him right now. i don't know if he'd want me to talk about all that but yeah, we just had a perfect time, and i loved the fact that he could touch me and it didn't make me feel weird and uncomfortable and anxious. i liked the fact that when we were just about to leave i chased him inside the hotel and kissed him - THREE TIMES! though they were just little pecks, they meant alot to me - and whatever. i'm stupid, but he's great.

and it made me think about my whole deal with relationships and commitment and permanence. like, i've got the rest of my life. you know, like, i'm gonna live, for a while, or something. that really freaks me out more than most people probably know. i ultimately live in the present and am pretty self-absorebed most of the time, so me stepping back and going "hey, er, college in three years, i guess, if i really care enough to do that. and after that i work. and after that i might get married, and then after that i have some kids and work a bit more, retire and slowly begin to age gracefully."

does that make any sense? anyway, the main point is that my own life that hasn't happened yet is a severely frightening thought to me.

i have to work on some homework. i'm kind of dangling on a thread in the way of passing summer school. and it sucks. and it really makes me unhappy with myself. but whatever, right? i don't know.

okay, talking about david always puts me in a funny mood. i get all introspective.

ah yes here;s what i meant to talk about before david came along in my thoughts: today was really boring. i didn't do much. it was sunny outside.

arrrf... miss... david... arrrggghhh..