i am not amused.
<<2002-01-10 - 2:26 a.m.>>

argh. i've been downloading mp3s all day. i have school tomorrow. i have to wake up in like, 4 hours.

damn.

anyway. something kind of scary happened to me tonight. i think i'm crazy for being scared, but my cousin has leukemia, and i heard it starts with random bruises appearing on your body. so today i was sitting and doing my hw and suddenly i get this terrible pain in my wrist. i make the mistake of rubbing the spot where it hurt, which made it hurt even worse. i checked the spot, and it looked a little bluish, which leads me to believe a pretty big vessel burst. (this was on the top of my wrist not the bottom, near the arteries or anything. not that i would know where anything in my body is located. organs... grooossss.) it still hurts and it's getting a little swollen. i guess the thing that bothers me most is the pain. it HURTS yo. wtf! argh. whatever. it's not so bad anymore.

rarrr....

what else happened? well, i finally broke down. i think it was tuesday night. well, here, i'll give you the whole story. i stayed up super late monday night, woke up tues morning feeling crappy, told my mom i wasn't going to school. BAD IDEA. mom flipped, there was a yelling match, i ended up attending school. dammit. anyway, i just felt horrible after that. i kept crying. i cried alot - i never cry around other people, though - but when i got home i just threw myself on the bed and cried. then mom was really nice to me, which made me feel worse, and i cried. then mom tried to make me tell her what was wrong and why i was so unhappy with school, and i cried. and it was frustrating. so i guess i broke down. now i feel better. i'm trying to sort of numb myself to it.

jay is still an open wound. the list of people i wish did not exist is slowly getting longer. practically the only person on it right now is scout and like... nami. and nami lives like forty states away. but whatever. it's bearable.

i cannot wait for the year to end. i want summer break, so badly.

whatever. i need to stop rambling. i'm so sorry!

no icons today and stuff. too lazy. i thought maybe i'd start a tradition with it though, like molkolover's diary. she's awesome. she loves brian molko. who DOESN'T love brian molko? anyway. i'm downloading lots of video game muzak - here's my playlist, and then i'll go. i promise.

first love shinhwa (not video game music but a REALLY GREAT SONG. i love shinhwa. i totally forgot how much i loved them.)
all your dreams shinhwa (another good one. of course.)
only one shinhwa
wild eyes shinhwa
hope HOT (i think this is from some FF or something..? i can't remember! argh!)
one winged angel (do i even need to explain?)
liberi i FF8
final fantasy dj liquid
us op theme legend of dragoon
the dark hood LoD
opening zone of the enders
battle remix ZoE

and i think that's it.

POOF! i'm gone.