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burning my bridges like a televangelist kill my boot: i like to think stupid things are below me Kalypso Markiev: exactly, and you think everything is stupid Kalypso Markiev: You also have a habit of talking to people like you're a king and they're a peasant kill my boot: no, i despise many things, because mainstream, popular things are usually really dumb kill my boot: you have a habit of being really over analytical and a huge pain in the ass kill my boot: and assuming stupid crap about everything/everyone Kalypso Markiev: i wasn't assuming there, actually, i was trying to bring to attention the fact that you're always making me feel 2 inches tall for whatever reason kill my boot: i don't mean to kill my boot: i jsut think a lot of things are stupid... coincedentally alot of things you like kill my boot: which tells us something Kalypso Markiev: well, yeah Kalypso Markiev: and it hurts like all hell because the things you tend to like, i don't dislike them enough to jab with sarcastic comments and whatever.. just feel like i'm tagging along, is all kill my boot: you and i just aren't on the same level kill my boot: i dont mean to jab but sometimes they deserve it kill my boot: well i can't change it if it feels that way, because that's not my intention Kalypso Markiev: it basically feels like you're saying "hey, okay, your'e stupid, i'm better than you, so go away." Kalypso Markiev: see what i mean? Kalypso Markiev: not on the same level, aka you're better, is what you're saying kill my boot: um... no kill my boot: not really kill my boot: not on the same level aka on DIFFERENT levels. Kalypso Markiev: you used to be so fun to talk to kill my boot: i know man... what's wrong with me Kalypso Markiev: and now we can't even talk about anything anymore because you think everything is stupid. kill my boot: maybe i should start caring about your thousands of boyfriends and crap... would that make it better? kill my boot: not everything, stop being stupid kill my boot: just the stupid things you like Kalypso Markiev: you'll regret saying that kill my boot: ... Kalypso Markiev: i'm serious. you're so damned fickle. kill my boot: god, that sounded like a line from a cheesy b-movie Kalypso Markiev: we're both fickle. i admit. kill my boot: i'd say you're fickle about different things than i am Kalypso Markiev: just.... argh, it's frustrating Kalypso Markiev: i still think of you as my best friend but i get the feeling you despise the thought. kill my boot: we've stretched it out for four years over a lot of grief, to me it seemed as if you gave me a lot more grief than i gave you and i just gave up a long time ago kill my boot: well... we're in different schools, we live in different places, we're into different things, we think differently, we like different people kill my boot: i dont understand why you apparently like me so much when im such a dog Kalypso Markiev: yeah, but i mean, the stupid stuff, throwing ice cream, whatever kill my boot: yeah but we were like 12 and 13 kill my boot: stuff changes Kalypso Markiev: so? it's still a memory kill my boot: true but memories dont always keep the friendship intact kill my boot: theres some huge stuff about me that you have no idea about and im sure its the same way with you kill my boot: it dies dude kill my boot: im surprised we even lasted this long Kalypso Markiev: you don't really care too much about hurting people, do you.. Kalypso Markiev: i'll stay quiet kill my boot: i could answer that truthfully kill my boot: or i could lie Kalypso Markiev: it was a rhetorical question Kalypso Markiev: i know the answer kill my boot: people are more complicated than yes and no kill my boot: so i care and then again i dont kill my boot: im sorry if ive hurt you but i needed to say all that kill my boot: and theres tons more i'd like to say and i've kept it in for the past four years and only lately has it started to come out kill my boot: in my mind what we've got isn't a friendship anymore... i dont know why you keep coming back to me when youve got so many other people you could branch out to... if you just made a little effort im sure you could find other people who dont think your stuff is stupid Kalypso Markiev: i understand, i guess. i disagree but i understand, if there's any way to put that Kalypso Markiev: dunno...... whatever you're gonna do is whatever you're gonna do kill my boot: yeah i understand that Kalypso Markiev: i don't want to bog you down Kalypso Markiev: so... yeah Kalypso Markiev: ... kill my boot: in my mind the inevitable has happened: we've grown apart thats all kill my boot: so i mean... im not like breaking up with you... i dont want to do that... i dont want to leave you when you obviously need people but... like... i dont know and then it just got really quiet. we haven't said anything since. we're both too afraid to make the first move. i thought i would be so much happier, cutting her loose like this... i've wanted to for the past two years. but i'm not. i just want to cry... sit down somewhere and cry and have someone to kind of sling their arm around my shoulders and kiss me on my head and listen to me whine and and moan about how everything just turned terrible and sour. (i have this weird mental image of that person being harry goldfarb from requiem for a dream... probably because he looks so much like he needs someone to hold him too.) of course, i've just burned another bridge. granted, not a bridge that i much needed or cared for, but a haven that i felt relatively safe and significant (sometimes) in. i know i'll be happier without her though. i know it. |
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